Hello Everyone! I know it’s been like…2 weeks since I made a post, but I’ve been busy talking with people and answering the question whether Garrett and I are still together and a plethora of other questions. A couple of you had me laughing when I responded to your messages and you told me you were fangirling over me responding. (Heads up, as long as you don’t send a “hey” message I generally try to respond to everyone’s messages and questions!)
Some of the points may be scattered, try to stay with me. Lots of you have told me that you wished you had more friends like me because you could have more decent conversations (Thanks, Glenn!). What I told Glenn (and others) is that you need to put out into the universe what you want to attract to you, be it friends or romantic partners. It’s called the law of attraction. Think about it for a minute, when you’re in a good mood do you want to be around someone who’s going to, either intentionally or unintentionally, shit on your parade? My guess is probably not.
Glenn explained that there wasn’t a shortage of people in his life and that he always tries to be kind, helpful, and loyal, he just happens to give people too many chances. He’s not the first one to tell me that and what I think everyone needs to realize is that the number one person that people look out for is themselves.
It’s been my experience that people will always, ALWAYS, walk over and take advantage of anyone that gives them the opportunity. I discovered this as a naïve small-town Montana boy who moved to the big ol East Coast where people won’t even look you in the eyes when they pass by. What I’m going to tell you is going to sound terrible but hear me out.
Be selfish. Make yourself your priority because I promise you, no one else is going to make you a priority. I give advice from quotes that I’ve stolen from Wordporn or Poemporn and one of my favorites to this day is, “If you keep avoiding self-love, the universe will keep sending people who also avoid loving you, hoping you get a little clue.” – I’ll let you reread that and let it sink in.
When I first moved to the East Coast I didn’t move for myself, I moved for someone. Someone that I put their needs even above my own. To be completely honest, I hated myself, I hated who I was, and I didn’t love myself, I felt like my sole purpose in life was to make him and other people happy and I did everything I possibly could to make him happy. I bought expensive Broadway tickets, I’d go out of my way to go visit him and bring him dinners at work, I went to all his performances and helped promote his band, I MOVED ACROSS THE FUCKING COUNTRY TO FINALLY BE WITH HIM. But the harder I tried the more he let me down.
After everything we went through it still ended with him doing what was best for him regardless of me. Which is how it should be, but it really hurt not being someone’s priority and that was when something in me snapped. I was sick and fucking tired of playing a supporting role in my own fucking life.
After he broke up with me that was when I decided enough was enough. I was done trying to make other people happy because no one seemed to care about making me happy. I quit listening to other people’s opinions about my hair and clothes and what I was doing with my life. I made myself the priority I’ve never been in someone else’s life, and that was when things changed for me.
It’s freeing, honestly, once you realize no one is ever, EVER, going to care for you the way YOU care for you opened my eyes. No more was I a slave to making myself available for people. To quote Susan Cain, “Spend your free time the way you like, not the way you think you’re supposed to. Stay home on New Year’s Eve if that’s what makes you happy. Skip the committee meeting. Cross the street to avoid making aimless chitchat with random acquaintances. Read. Cook. Run. Write a story.”
Sure living the way you want is going to piss some people off, I learned that when I got ‘Faggot’ delivered to my inbox from a few closeted fellows who saw Catfish and felt the need to seek me out to tell me how much they hate me. “If you don’t like me, but still watch everything I do, Bitch you a fan.” and as Rupauls mother used to say, “People talking shit since the beginning of time unless they paying your bills, pay them bitches no mind”
“It’s okay to want your own happiness. It’s okay to care about yourself the most. You are not obligated to sit there and smile and swallow every bit of shit everyone heaps on you. You are more than furniture, you’re more than window dressing, you’re human and you have the right to say, “That was shitty of you,” you have a right to protest your own mistreatment and set boundaries for respectful interactions. The rest of the world doesn’t realize you have this right and they will act offended and appalled when you exercise it, but it’s yours.” ~Unknown
Don’t forget that. I know this post was heavy with quotes, but that’s just because they can say what I think so much better. I have a quote wall in my cubicle at work and I have some of these quotes posted so that I see them every day. I think you should try the same thing, put it in your locker, your cube, on your phones wallpaper, where ever you’re going to keep seeing it so you keep reminding yourself until it becomes second nature.
If you have questions or want advice you’re more than welcome to message me on facebook or send me an email (firstname.lastname@example.org) as I said I always try to respond and give any advice when I can.