Hot diggity damn two weeks in a row posting. Somebody just try and stop me! As some of you may have seen from Facebook or Instagram I posted a picture that said, “Always remember, someone’s efforts is a reflection of their interest in you.” Perhaps this isn’t news to you, it sure wasn’t to me, but reading those words two days ago really resonated with me and it was like a light switch was flipped on.
Perhaps it’s because of my current situation. I asked the guy I was sort of ‘seeing’ to go see ‘It’ with me and he told me maybe even though I regularly go see movies I have no interest in with him just to spend time with him and because I know he wanted to see it. So fine, fuck him right?
I ask my old friends with benefits, who’s just a friend now, to go with me and he also said maybe. This has really fucked up my moon theory. So thanks a lot, ass holes (said to those guys, not you, my lovely readers…unless you’re the guys I’m talking about then definitely fuck you). I even resorted to trying to get two fuck bois on Grindr to sit through ‘It’ with me and they both told me maybe too! So fuck your maybes, fuck your indecision, this train has left the station.
Now, use common sense, this isn’t the first and only incidence of this. This is just the straw the broke the camel’s back. The worst part is that this is all psychology. As the Cobra Starship song says, “Treat them like dirt and they’ll stick to the bottom of your shoe” We want what we can’t have and if someone treats you with indifference or as an option it drives us crazy. Don’t hold out hope that if you show them how much they mean to you that they’ll start to treat you the way you deserve to be treated; believe me, I’ve learned from experience. Once an option you’ll always just be an option to them and it’ll hurt you more in the long run than if you recognize the signs and walk away on your terms.
I captioned the post saying:
Remember you shouldn’t have to put all the effort in.
If they cared, they’d call.
If they wanted to see you, they would have accepted your invite.
If they considered your feelings, they’d return your text as soon as they could.
If they gave a shit about you, they would never make you feel like a consolation prize.
If they respected you, they wouldn’t be sleeping with other people.
FACT my dear, he doesn’t love you, he doesn’t want you. You’re just convenient and the only one that answers his calls when he’s lonely.
Let. Him. Go.
Now, maybe that was more of a letter to 21 year old newly out and dating Zak, but I’ve talked to a lot of people on my Facebook (Don’t be afraid to email too! firstname.lastname@example.org) and many guys I talk to are like me, where when treated as indifferent only made us try harder to get them to like us, so those guys who are indifferent just love the attention so they continually call us for validation and an ego boost.
To keep us interested and enticed enough they do little things like spread little these breadcrumbs of hope here and there. You don’t hear from him for a couple weeks and then out of the blue, he messages you saying ‘how much he’s missed you and how busy he’s been and how he’d love to see you tonight’ and then you’re right back into the negative cycle feeling like you’re going insane.
I often times lose myself in a new person, I want to fully embrace their passions and be a part of their life and like what they like and hate what they hate (By treating them the way I want to be treated). So I try to like the same things they do so that we have common ground and we have something we could do together and enjoy. Often times, however, I end up focusing more on the person than the ‘common ground’ interests and then get hurt when I’m not getting the returned attention. This never works. I’ve been a people pleaser my whole life and I would constantly put others feelings and joys first even at the expense of my own. STOP IT. You deserve better.
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